Developer and client wars - choose your weapon wisely

Erica - Developer @ Esoko (not mad at a client - at me)

Rinnngggg Rinnngggg Rinnngggg. That's my phone ringing. I know it's my phone  because that's my ringtone. Oh wait! Boy, I am definitely not picking that call. "War" a hip hop track by Trip Lee  is a ringtone  I assign to any client whose 'matter is hard' (that's a Ghanaian expression for someone who is difficult to deal with). Ten minutes before this particular call  I heard my phone ring. Again I didn't pick the call because the ringtone was "Bear with you", another hip hop track by Trip Lee - that song is assigned to clients who are just too unbearable.  It's either I like Trip Lee or he just has songs that suit me and my clients well. Like it or not every developer in their lifetime get to deal with clients who are just so difficult to tame. 

Let me playback a scenario many developers will identify with. I owe this guy work. He is calling. Immediately I am forced to multitask. As I listen to the phone ring my mind goes racing. Should I pick or should I not pick. I have run out of lies and stories. A new lie comes to my mind but now the problem is I don't remember if I have already told this client that lie. That should give you an idea of when this cat and mouse game began. Finally I manage to make up my mind as the phone still rings. A phone rings for about 30 seconds if unanswered so you can see I am processing all these thoughts at the speed of light. No, I won't tell anymore lies because I want to make it to heaven. The only way to avoid lying today is by not answering the call. By this time I have 5 more seconds for the incoming call to end. Who cares. I am not answering the call anyway and that's final. My phone does its job by telling me I have one missed call. Just as I let out a sigh of relief to return to my code I hear the ringtone again - "War". I am sure by now you know who is calling. This guy won't give up. 10 missed calls so far. The 11th call came and it was an unknown number. I smile to myself. This client thinks I am an idiot, calling me with a strange number. That's it! I won't pick any calls from unknown numbers today.

I can bet half of my empty bank account that 90% of developers have gone through this drill of going into hiding because a client was chasing them.  Some very impatient clients send insulting emails and text messages when they tried hard to reach the developer to no avail. Some equally very impatient developers respond to these emails and text messages with the same measure of fire. How dare this client. Where was he when I spent sleepless nights mastering C-Sharp is what runs through the developer's mind. One response after another the flame war goes on until there is only one man standing and it's mostly not the developer. It's easier for a client to find another developer than for a developer to find another client. No matter how skillful you are with code patience is a great weapon to choose in this battle against pompous clients. It's really not worth exchanging words with a client. You may achieve your aim of teaching him a lesson and telling him your peace of mind but then bear in mind you may loose that client plus all his friends who are potential clients. The reason you are dodging the client is because you failed to fulfill your  responsibility. You are guilty and now you want to get angry? Which of your mothers taught you that!!

 In Africa we have a proverb (don't ask me what a proverb is) that "when two elephants fight it is the ground that suffers". Another proverb says, "you cant have two wise men living under the same roof". Play the fool sometimes. Tolerance - another great weapon to choose in this battle against pompous clients. 

I have come to learn the real reason why clients bug us that much and mount 'unnecessary' pressure. All they want is for you to respond to that email or put that blackberry in your mouth, sorry I meant pick that call and tell them something, anything. They just want to hear from you so badly - not because they miss you. It helps them plan what lies to also tell their bosses. The client will begin to find a million reasons why you are not picking his calls. You'd be surprised the kind of reasons they come up with. Imagine calling your girlfriend 11 times and she didn't pick up. Will you just assume she was busy? No. You begin to find reasons. Aha! It's surprising some of the reasons you come up with. Communication thus is another powerful weapon to choose in this battle against pompous clients. Let them know what's going on.

For as long as we are good developers, we will continue to be overwhelmed with work and that's a good thing. With that blessing comes the burden of managing clients with different temperaments. Patience, tolerance and constant communication can help you win this war against pompous clients. Redraw your battle lines.